The Parody Review Pantheon

My Favorite All Time Parody Reviews
 From Amazon

Why? Unlike #1, this review explains the obvious, and the result is very, very funny.

America's Favorite Cake!

Duncan Hines Classic Yellow Cake Mix 18.25 oz - 6 Unit Pack $19.96

There is no price too high to pay for such a miracle of taste and science. Get
this. It is a cake IN A BOX. Like is your mind blown? You just add water, shove
it in the oven and CAKE. I’m not making it up. Powder. Water. Cake. Just like
that. Like those sea monkeys, only less crunchy. And good? Man,I picked up a
piece, took a bite and next thing I knew, I ate my own hand. That’s real cake,
I’m telling you, moist and rich. Okay, some of it was the hand, but even so. Go
get some. You’ll see. Only when you eat it, use a fork.

Why?  Because Tim Poteet successfully defines the un-definable.

Parent Child Testing Product, 10 Pack $15,000, 12 Pack $25,000

Great idea… didn’t really need all 15 though…

I have tried many other Parent Child Testing products and frankly never had much luck with them. The product worked fine, but I am only giving it 3 stars for a couple of reasons:

1) I would prefer the option to purchase in quantities other than a 10 pack or a 15 pack. When I placed my order the 10 packs were out of stock, so I had to go for the 15 pack. I have only two parents and two children. Some of you math whizzes out there have already computed that in my situation, this left me with about 10 units too many.

2) Mine came without instructions. When I shell out $25,000 for testing equipment, I expect instructions.

Best I can figure, instructions are as follows:

1) Remove one of the Parent Child Testing Products from your 10 or 15 pack. Exercise caution as each device weighs approximately 30 pounds and could cause serious injury if you should drop it on your foot.
2) While carrying the Parent Child Testing Product, very quietly sneak up behind the unsuspecting person whom you wish to test.
3) Yell “Mom” if the test subject appears to be female or alternatively yell “Dad” if you suspect that the test subject is male.
4) Count to 3 and then hurl the Parent Child Testing Product at the test subject’s head.

Results may be interpretted as follows:
Parent- If the test subject turns quickly at the sound of “Mom” or “Dad” being yelled and either catches or dodges the flying Parent Child Testing Product… the subject has tested positive as a “Parent.”

Child- If the test subject fails to turn at the sound of “Mom” or “Dad” being yelled and remains engrossed in the cartoon that he/she is watching on television… resulting in a severe or fatal head injury, your test subject was most likely a child.

One caveat. In the case of aging parents who suffer from hearing loss, occasional false positives for “Child” may result. All in all a great product. A little pricey, but when you REALLY need to know if you’re dealing with a parent or a child… why quibble over a mere $25,000?


2 responses to “The Parody Review Pantheon

  1. If I ever settle down and adopt a blog of my own, I hope it grows up to become as good as this one.

    • Why thank you Jared! That is very kind. This blog is about my Amazon personification and so it can be a little limiting when I’d rather be my, you know, alter ego. Speaking of Super Heros, is Jared Castle your real world name or it is the name Captain America calls you?

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